Merry Christmas to my Easton!

Dear Easton,
I wanted to tell you Merry Christmas! I will be thinking of you on Christmas day and wishing that you were here with us. I know that you are busy up in heaven doing lots of good things, but I wanted to wish you Merry Christmas and let you know that your mommy loves you very much!
Lots of love,
Mom

December and my Easton

Last night was a long night.Karson didn't want to sleep unless I was holding him, which makes sleep for me difficult. I was in his room in the rocking chair and he was laying on my cheest and I was listening to his stuffy breathing and even though it was 3:00 in the morning and I was tired, the tears started falling down my face, and I was reminded how lucky I am to have this sweet boy in my life. He helped heal me from my loss of Easton.

We found out I was pregnant with Karson last year the beginning of November. It was my best Christmas gift. I was dreading Christmas. I tried not to think about it too much, but I was supposed to have a one month old baby by Christmas and that wasn't going to happen. I was so sad and so happy at the same time. It was a really wierd place for me. Often in my quiet moments with Karson my thoughts drift to Easton and I wonder about him and think about what he is doing. I always think of the emotions I will feel when I actually get to meet him one day and quite honestly I can't even comprehend it.

So I think that at Christmas time I am always going to have a little emptiness inside, because I miss my son. I look forward to all of the new memories with Karson and Kaili and my other kids yet to come, but we will always be missing someone. It is ok and I accept that he is gone, it's just in those quiet moments where my thoughts drift and I wonder.....