Suffocation....

It's that time of year...summer..one of the best season's of the year, and also one of the hardest for me. I start to feel suffocated, anxious, irritable and sad. And NO matter what I do to stop it, I cannot. I feel bad, because I probably take it out on those I love most, and do not mean to. But I can't help feel what I feel. I miss my son. I miss not being able to see an almost 6 year old little boy, and what he would have loved to do, what he would have looked like and sounded like. It breaks my heart. It sometimes seems unfair, and I ask myself over and over again about why did this happen, and on the other end I hear silence. I'll admit it, I am extra tired, extra moody, and I just feel blah. I know it will pass as it does ever year, but I am starting to feel suffocated, and like I can't catch a breath.....

Bright yellow daisies and fresh cut grass

Summer evening rain storms, the smell of sun tan lotion

Summer; Baseball and the 4^th of July

Tangy lemonade and strawberry shortcake

A tortured memory amongst the joy

An early morning in July, when I had to say goodbye

Ten little fingers and ten little toes, a cute nose just like Daddy

The summer I love, that gave me a gift, and took it back just as quickly

Water fights and children’s giggles, strength in the hands of my love

I cannot dislike you, Summer

Because you gave me a glimpse of my first child

My son, Who is now our summer Angel

We buried him in baby blue, just like the summer skies

The tangerine sunsets, swirled in a brush of pink

Calm my wounded soul, and allow for a soft, quiet smile to form

The twinkling stars, I often wished on as a young girl, shine best on July nights

My little star, Easton; I know burns bright

Windows rolled down in the car, light summer breeze rustling through my hair

A favorite song blasting on the radio; thankful for life, thankful for him

Sweet garlic and veggie kabobs on the grill, bug zappers, zapping away

Family and friends laughter flowing through the air

And Summer, I thank you.

Although stray tears often fall, and wistfulness thoughts appear

My heart is happy, because I have hope.

Hope of many summers to come filled with joyful memories of the past, and the future.

So my dear summer, my friend, until my son and I meet again

I shall wish for summer’s soft warm touch

On bleak, cold winter days, sunlight rays that kiss my skin

And remind me of many other happy days. My summer, my favorite, my love.

Feelings....

Red is the color of lips kissed goodbye, anger that simmers within, and the question is asked why

Blue melts into purple, on a cold winter’s day

Ice shimmers in the snow, with no words left to say

 A light orange sunset that burns in the sky, feeling so distant, the eyes start to cry

Soft pinkish cheeks that make it all go away

The days you wanted gone, you now wish them to stay

Soft yellow flowers that grow in the sun, realizing now, true love has begun

Crystal clear laughter, that turns into giggles, sweet baby boys that have so many wiggles!

The colors of life, that lift us up and not down

Leave us feeling happy, not wanting to frown

Red turns into love, so real and so right, realizing now that you won that hard fight

A twinkle in the eye, and a smile in the heart, no more will your world crumble apart

Sea green eyes, those were once so sad

Have no more reason for tears, only hope to feel glad

The colors of the rainbow that answered her prayers

The significance of the beauty, is painted everywhere

A blue birds soft song, in a mid morning rain, green grass sprinkled with dandelions again and again

Light azure eyes, with lashes so long

A lullaby sung, baby boy singing along

“I love you mama” he says, as he closes his eyes

And all the colors in the rainbow, whisper to her, and her heart fly’s

Red, yellow, orange, green and blue

There is nothing this heart loves more, than her thoughts of you.